She's a killer queen

I'm tired.
Tired of myself, my lack of knowledge, of intelligence, of skills, of taste.
Tired that people loves me only because I seem cute. Never because of my ideas, of my thoughts... No, only because my smallness and my maladroit, awkward manners looks cute. Only my parents loves me for my skills. But unexistant skills, unfortunately.

"To love the others, began to love yourself first."

Maybe it's the real matter...

"take me on a trip I'd like..

Too much things in so little time...
So much deliberations to take.
So much new issues I have to do with.
So much responsabilities.
So much choices...

I began to think that being far of the ones I love is a part of my destiny. My man. My father. My friends. My family. Even often my mother although I live with her..
If I move to Paris I'll be near of my friends and my father but far from my boyfriend and my mother.
If I stay around I'll be with my man and near from my mother but far from my father and friends.
If I move to where the most interessant colleges are, I'll be far from everybody.
And I can't live without them.
What will I be.. ?
Will..
Will I have my diploma?
Will I have my driving license?
Will I pass my driving license?
Will I live with him?
WIll we love each other for ever?
Will I make new friends one day? And KEEP them?
Will I be happy?
Will we be happy?...
Will I like my studies?
What will I do if not?
What will happen to her?
Will they all be fine...

I hope.. I hope so damn hard...

I wonder how people do, to seems so much hard and happy.
I'm tired of acting like an autist.
I hate this town.
Full of superficial bitches, everybody are bitches, men, women, little ones, old ones, simple ones, smart ones. Everybody. It's the temple of meanness, of superficiality. They hurted, hurts me so much. Moving of this town will be like fleeing from a jail.


I'm so afraid of tomorrow. Is this mean the beginning of my adult life?
How can I truly realize at 17 that I'll be an adult one day... ?

...to go someday!"